Or-Deal !!!

Venue : A shop selling only womens apparels in an up class area of Bangalore
Date : Some time 2 years back
Situation : I'm really exhausted!!! I'm making panting sounds that are comical and depressing at the same time. Poof!!

And why am I in this state? Women's SHOPPING!

Now I've ranted aplenty in the past about going to shop WITH women but this day's situation was very different - I went shopping alone but FOR women. Lemme explain! I spent the entire morning shopping for my darling sis and my mom. Now shopping for mom is simple - she has a thing for fragnances and those aren't difficult to locate and buy! Also people are less reluctant to try out fragnances coz it's kinda difficult to completely mess them up (or that's what a guy feels). However, for my sis, I needed to buy clothes ... and they are a Pain In the A#@e to get. You can't just buy anything coz if it's not nice, lil sis wont even try it out. The red top will then sit next to that orange skirt that some cousin gifted her (which she refuses to either wear or throw out). The problems don't end if she likes the clothes coz they have to fit her too. And you think it's "game over" if the clothes pass the fitting test? Nope! Coz the final and most difficult stage is where the clothes go through a strict censoring process headed by "Papa please preach" and "Momma don't screech"!

So, have you ever tried being the only guy in a shop full of girls? Ok! You did spot those two guys in the corner - but they have girls accompanying them. So what abt you? You are alone. You look lost. You have no idea what you want. Forget your wants - you don't even have an idea of what it is that you are looking for. So you aimlessly wander around the store - picking up things, putting them down and picking them up again. Just then the store attendant comes up.

"Sir, can I help you?"
*Of course you can. Can you make me invisible for the next 30 minutes*.

"No, I'm good."
*No, I'm not. I have no idea what I'm doing here*

"Ok Sir, I'll be just round the corner. Lemme know if you need any help."

You see the store attendant leave and the moment you turn around, you see a crowd of eyes judging you.

"Is he a pervert who's here to check women out?"
"Does he cross dress?"
"Who is he shopping for?
Is he trying to surprise his girl friend. Yikes! Look at his choice."

The roving eyes ask a million questions and the one answer you provide to all of them is to keep your head so low that you can't see anything other than your own shoes.

30 minutes and six items later I appeared in front of the payment counter, gasping for breath; longing to see the Exit sign that'll take me outside the shop; counting seconds before I become a "man" again. All the clerk has to do now, is charge my credit card and let me go. That shouldn't take more than 30 seconds.

Did you find everything all right, sir?
- Yes, I did
*I don't care, just lemme go*

Are you aware that we have a special discount on skirts - buy 2 and get 1 free.
- No, it's fine
*Lemme go! Momma lemme go*

Are you aware of our return policy, sir?
-Yes, I am
*I don't care. Lemme go. Just lemme go!*

That's a lot of clothes. Girl friend?
-No, sister
*how does it matter to you. Charge my credit card and lemme go*

How old is she?
She is 22
*She is two hundred and thirty seven years old. How does that matter to you? Do you want to marry her? Just lemme go*

Do you want a gift receipt sir?
No (almost in tears). It's ok!
*I'm accepting. Yes, I'm accepting. It was me who forgot the lines in the class 2 play. It was me who spilled water on the floor in class 7. I agree that when I told my ex I was busy working in January, I was actually watching an episode of FRIENDS. I accept it all. Don't torture me any more. Just Lemme go.*

Another five minutes and the customary "do you want the receipt in the bag" and "please come back again" later, I saw the outside World again.

You might not believe it, but the feeling was similar to what Will Smith experienced after his heroic escape from the space ship in Independence Day

Wooof!!