Rated A

A few years back, when i had just started my career, I went for a movie with a girl I dint know too well. The movie was great until naked people started appearing on screen. Oops! They did it again. It's happened before and I'm guessing it'll happen again. Years ago when I was in college I went to watch Braveheart alone with a girl (btw, does alone with a girl sound right?). The movie was great (I am a sucker for historical pieces) until Mr. Gibson and Ms. Someone-I-Don't-Remember went all "hey hey" in the hay. Since then the situation has led to several deja vus and I still have no freakin clue on how to deal with it?

So, for starters, what's the big deal? Elementary Dear Watson - men behave differently in the company of men ... and women don't know that. Back in college we had gone for Species with some five hundred thousand fellow male students. Now, for those of u who haven't seen the movie - Natasha Henstridge spent very little time with the costume designer. Every time the hot bod(y) would appear on screen you could hear "Yeahs!" and "Whoas!" in unison. Then, we men also like to assume the role of judges. "Which of the two girls did you like more?" "I thought Sharon Stone over did it. I liked Jeanne Tripplehorn more ...", we succumb to our basic instincts. "Did you see her when she came out of the shower???" ... the list just goes on.

ALL THESE THINGS ARE A BIG NO WITH WOMEN. But ... but ... but, you can't just keep all quiet either. Not if before that the two of you smiled and spoke after every scene. Not if during the courting scene you smiled, did the "looking at the screen yet slanting towards her" move and said, "So has that happened to you? You must be getting a lot of that." Not if she laughed hysterically during the scene where the guy gets dumped, came close to your ears and said, "Now that must have happened to you a lot." Nudity = awkwardness; and we have to deal with that. You can't stare at the screen - then you are a pervert, you can't look away - then she knows that you are uncomfortable, you can't whistle - then she'll kill you, you can't keep quiet for too long - then it's eerie and you can't just say "I'll be back in a minute" and run away - coz then you are not man enuff.

"Help!" yelped the farmer boy as the naked sheep fleeted before his eyes.