Jaago Puttar Jaago !!!

I can see my writing maturing. Look at my previous post. I discussed the burning dilemma of when-to-be-a-parent. And with this post I'm going to pass on invaluable advice to the youth of India again. Such a priceless source of information this blog has become. Wah wah! The blog is indeed doing its bit for the society and the matured me is so happy for that. Wah wah to that again!

This post was conceived long back while spending (or is the term wasting?) hard earned money on this monstrosity called Fanaa. Dashing hero (albeit evidently old and overweight) jumps from the top of a bus and serenades blind girl. I could sense young somethings in the audience renewing their faith in dream love stories that begin like magic. But the fact is that this only happens in blissful celluloid love stories. The same ones where the heroine can run in ice capped hills wearing nothing more than a chiffon saree and still not catch a cold. Chances are high (tending to certainty) that you'll never find love in a bus. Or in a train, Or in any form of transportation for that matter. The Hindi movies are feeding you crap and this post is dedicated to break certain myths of Hindi movies for the youth of India.

* You will meet your love in a moving vehicle (repeating point already made earlier to increase size of this post):
NO YOU WILL NOT!! No one knows this more than I do. Every time I board a plane I fancy a Pooja Bhatt next to me ala DHKMN. But no - it is always the old lady who is hard of hearing and likes to make conversation in alien language that finds me. Now I know that some of you freaks are hoping that this too can be the start of a love story but alas, I don't swing that way. So remember, public transport is for travelling only. You can search for discarded magazines and half eaten oranges in them but if you're indeed searching for love in it - then you my friend are more blind than Kajol of Fanaa.

* A sleek car will stop in front of you in the first day of college. The door will open and a long pair of mini-skirt wrapped legs will peek out of it.
Yeah sure! I've always wondered which Indian college this scene happens in. I guess it is the same one where everybody wears color matched fluorescent clothes. Let's be realistic here. If a car does stop in front of you and the doors do open on the first day of college, you are likely to see a girl in a salwar kameez with her mom giving her precious "first day in college advice". If you went to a college like mine, then most attractive women there are in need of help because they are probably travellers who got lost. In which case you should promptly go and find out where they actually want to go and send them there. And ladies, you be careful too. Don't think that you'll be greeted by a hunky man in sleeveless Ts who will dance for you at the drop of a hat. Your dream prince, in all likelihood, will be wearing a loose T shirt to hide his growing belly; will obnoxiously stare at any form of cleavage while talking to you; and will keep gauging how tight your pants are and if he can ever get into them!! So there, myth number two - that of finding love in first day of college - is a myth too.

* There is a happy family where everyone sings and dances and wears a lot of make up and jewellery.
Yes, that family actually does exist. And they are called the Barjatiyas. But the chances are that you are not one of them. You are probably a Kumar or an Iyenger or a Singh or maybe even a Arora. You always blame your dad for shouting at you when you didn't study. Sometimes your dad shouts at you even when you do study. You secretly harbour the desire to have parents who maintain the steady ambiance of a wedding party in their house. A house, where everyone except for that one evil distant aunt played by Bindu, is nice and singy-songy. Too bad dude, that aint gonna happen. So when your old man threatens to stop paying your college bills, don't wish that Alok Nath was your dad, coz I'm pretty darn sure that he does the same thing to his kid too.

* The hero(ine) magically returns in the second half of the story.
Nopey dopey. If they are gone, the chances are high that they are INDEED gone. Don't think that things will be any different two emotional songs later. Coz while you'll be busy rendering ballads s(he) will be putting up his/her profile on MarryMe dot com and the only time they'll probably return is to invite your for their marriage (where Alok Nath and his family will sing and dance). So stop waiting and use that time wisely to watch more Hindi movies.

* Someone very rich will marry you just for love.
Ha ha! This one is a personal favorite of many of my friends who see marriage as a career option. Please read carefully. If some girl/guy who is much richer than you are, is agreeing to marry you inspite of you being a pathetic loser, then there is Definitely something wrong. For all you know she might be a he. Or he might be a she. Or he or she might be a schizophrenic psychopath. So if you are planning to make a career out of marriage, GET OVER IT!!!

There. Rs 4357.56 worth of free advice given away in single post. Wah Abhi. Wah! Keep up the good work in educating the country's youth!